


A uselessly disturbing episode in the blissful repose of nothingness

by Splicegrl



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-typical eyes, M/M, Night Vale Community Radio, Post-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splicegrl/pseuds/Splicegrl
Summary: In which things have gone a bit sideways, or at least time has. Fortunately, Night Vale never had a close relationship with time, so the breakup's not too bad.Written for a friend, who said "I really don't think the fears are going to faze Night Vale at all."
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer
Comments: 8
Kudos: 100





	A uselessly disturbing episode in the blissful repose of nothingness

Come in. Have a seat. Get comfortable. Try to avoid the sticky strands. Mr. Spider’s parlor is actually quite lovely, but it’s best not to linger at dinner time.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Well listeners, no one can tell how long it’s been since the Eyes that watch us all filled the sky with their unblinking, unwavering stares, but this is my first broadcast in the new world and I am, frankly, very excited. Carlos has informed me that time must be moving, because otherwise we would not be able to experience the many and varied horrors that have filled our lovely town, but it appears all markers that allow humans and human-adjacent creatures to measure the passage of time have been removed. He further hypothesized that extra-dimensional beings might be able to sense to passage of time, or at least of a vague idea of the direction it’s moving in, but was interrupted by an impromptu game of Knife-and-Candle that broke out in his lab. Fortunately, we all appear to be immune to death now, so there were no casualties.

The Sheriff’s Secret Police continue their campaign to make the Eyes go away. Early in this non-time period, officers of the Sheriff’s Secret police attempted to blind the eyes with industrial-grade fireworks and firehoses of pepper spray. When these attempts failed, the Sheriff’s Secret Police resorted to yelling insults at the eyes through megaphones, hoping to at least make them cry. Officer Dominguez says that she feels as if the eyes have taken away her purpose. “How am I supposed to effectively make each and every citizen of Night Vale feel as if their every move is being scrutinized when there are literally hundreds of eyes watching me all the time?” She said when asked for comment. She added that the secret police union had objected to the installation of the omniscient surveillance system, citing concerns about job security, but had been apparently ignored. “We’ll just see about that,” Officer Dominguez said ominously, pulling a black civilian’s balaclava over her dark grey Secret Police balaclava. After the interview, Intern Charles was unable to find any other members of the Secret Police to provide additional comment. 

And now, a word from our sponsors!

Got feet?

The city council has announced that since it is impossible to tell what a week is anymore, and also since we no longer need to eat, drink, or breathe, citizens are temporarily permitted to stop consuming Big Rico’s pizza, at least until we figure out how to measure the passage of time again. With that being said, I would still like to strongly urge you to keep going to Big Rico’s during these confusing and troubling times. Not only are sustained routines good for your mental health, but you’ll also be supporting a locally-owned business through difficult times. Why not take your family there to reconnect with them after spending an unknown length of time wandering through an empty, silent town as the fog absorbed your thoughts and memories until you no longer remembered who or where you were, then folded to the ground in a disoriented, senseless heap and woke up in your home with a vague numbness and sense of disconnection from the people around you? Gluten-free pizza is good for the soul, and fighting over the last slice of pineapple-jalapeño can be a life-affirming bonding experience.

This just in: The Secret Police have begun laying siege to City Hall, citing a labor dispute over the installation of the omniscient Eyes in the Sky world-wide security system. “It is written into our contract that we will have minimum supervision,” said a double-masked Officer Dominguez in an anonymous statement to Intern Charles. “How are we supposed to police Night Vale if we are constantly held accountable for our actions by a neutral, all-knowing third party?” To demonstrate what Night Vale would look like without their ceaseless vigil, the Sheriff’s Secret Police have released all of the face-stealing monsters that were arrested in the last not-week into the halls around the city council chamber. Fortunately, as I mentioned before, we are all immune to death now, so there are no casualties, but quite a few people will be going home to new houses and new families today. If your loved one comes home with a new face or personality tonight, try to remember that this transition is likely just as difficult for them as it is for you.

The city council, speaking from within the heavily-barricaded council chamber, denies all responsibility for the ever-present watchers. “We played no part in the Ritual of the Eye”, they moaned through the building’s PA system. “We had no hand in the building of the Archive.” By custom, the council chamber is located behind three-foot-thick walls of solid stone and a massive reinforced door, so the labor dispute is expected to continue for quite some time.

And now, [the weather](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fkOqXAHLKQ).

Good news, listeners. Down at City Hall, a wave of crushing perspective about our insignificance in the vast scale of all of space and time has halted the labor dispute between the Sheriff’s Secret Police and the City Council. Intern Charles is reporting that the face-stealing monsters are lying in whimpering piles on the ground, while the Sheriff’s Secret Police are slumped over the battering ram they had been using to try and break through into City Council Chamber. “We are nothing. Nothing and no one,” they are moaning to each other, or possibly to no one. Nurses from the Night Vale Community Healthcare Center have been dispatched to remind them that while they may not matter in the grand scheme of things, they matter to someone in the here and now, and also to distribute therapeutic mescaline-infused chocolate.

Now, dear listeners, a great darkness approaches from the east. It will hide the things we love and the things we fear, and in the clutches of this false night we will be unable to see the difference. Grasp your loved ones tightly. Learn the shape of their new face with your fingertips, and fall into an uneasy sleep wrapped in their unfamiliar arms. Despite the falseness of the twilight that falls upon our beloved city, let the shadows carry you dreamlessly, until we all awaken, refreshed and ready to meet the thrilling terrors of our new existence, together.

Good night, Night Vale.

Good night.


End file.
